110 Days of Torture in Review: Week 2

A week of inane ramblings from our chairman about non-existent investors and little activity on the transfer front… same old, same old.

Sunday 6th May

The club reveal more details about the proposed casino development at Elland Road; true to form, the attractive and exciting looking architect’s impressions of the new West Stand redevelopment that could previously be found online have now been replaced by something a little more ‘cheap’ looking.

An excited Shaun Harvey enthuses about the importance of the scheme, talking of how it will complement the other magnificent facilities that have so enriched the parish of Beeston, informing us that a casino would help “increase revenue streams on non-matchdays”… the notion of buying players to increase revenue streams on actual matchdays still however appears to be a concept beyond Shaun’s comprehension. 

Monday 7th May

All remains quiet as the supporters await the promised flurry of transfer activity, but anyone who doubted Bates’ commitment in ensuring the Leeds United would quickly re-assume a high profile in the Premier League under his stewardship are made to eat their words.

Monday night 9.55pm and the club finally find themselves sharing the ‘Monday Night Football‘ spotlight on Sky Sports as Mr We Beat The Scum 1-0 and son take it upon themselves to try and convince the Ewood Park regulars that things could be worse. 

 

Tuesday 8th May

Keep listening to Yorkshire Radio and looking at the official site if you want to hear all the Leeds United news first!”

Ken Bates’ words are proved right again as Sheffield Wednesday are revealed as one of the Whites’ opponents for the 2012/13, literally within days of their promotion.

Former White, Vince Hilaire moves to assure fans that they have a fine new player on their hands in Jason Pearce, stating that Pearce “loves defending, loves heading the ball, loves getting his blocks in, and loves tackling”. Such words are like music to the ears of supporters, but are reported to have caused all manner of confusion for Paul Connolly.

News of a very concerning development emerges from Norway, where a rather troubling resemblance is revealed between one power crazy maniac with a fetish for courtrooms and our own chairman, back when he was at a similar age… 

 

Wednesday 9th May

The centrepiece no doubt of every week during the close and pre-season season arrives in the form of Bates’ address to the unenlightened and unwashed. Today’s ‘interview’ is an especially insightful episode that raises all manner of talking points.

As the chairman speaks out on the contract situation at Elland Road, he reveals that Snoddy is close to signing a new deal with the club, with only a couple of “little obstacles” that need tackling – rumours suggest them to be his salary and a show of ambition in the transfer market.

 

The big story that breaks regards a potential £20m investment that the club missed out on from a very keen Leeds United supporter and Saudi-based business man. According to Ken, very good progress had been made and the club invited the ‘investor’ over for the Middlesbrough game to meet Shaun Harvey, in an attempt to clinch a deal; having been inevitably impressed the largest conferencing facilities between Manchester and Newcastle, and then veritably wet himself at the magnificent new corporate plans in the East Stand, the man in question was said to be been taken aback a little by the sight of a few hundred fans chanting outside the West Stand… asking for new investment.

Apparently, after a period of reflection, the investor contacted Bates to inform him that he wouldn’t be investing in the club as he couldn’t be seen to be “associating with such undesirables and morons” – being that the investor resides in Saudi Arabia; a place where public executions by stoning and beheading are commonplace, with floggings and amputations, regular punishments for more minor offences, it does seem appear almost inconceivable that a “few kids” chanting about things “they don’t know anything about”, could’ve unnerved the man in question.

Shaun Harvey and that day’s starting XI were however, unavailable for comment.

Elsewhere, there’s a reminder that as bad as things have got at Leeds, we do have at least a few shreds of dignity to hold on to as officials at Sheffield Wednesday, rather than think “Well, thank f**k that’s over!” and pretend it never happened, opt to take part in a civic reception to celebrate finishing up as the second best team in League One…they even receive a trophy.

Reassuringly, the crowd muster a few verses of “We all hate Leeds scum”.

 

Thursday 10th May

Neil Warnock reveals that the club are in talks with Tom Lees to give him an enhanced contract that reflects his progress at the club – that should be enough to put a smile on Tom’s face…

The Turner twins are also celebrating being offered new deals, though it’s not clear whether Bates’ thought that one contract covered them both for the next 12 months.

Leeds’ first pre-season friendly is revealed; the Whites are to travel to Burton Albion on Tuesday 7th August for a game. Remember, to get all the Leeds United news first, listen to Yorkshire Radio and check the official site… or in this case, read the Burton Mail.

 

Neil Warnock reveals that he expects to have answers regarding contract offers from all those players involved, no later than the first week of June, thus allowing the fans a full 10 week official mourning period before the big kick-off. Meanwhile, Joel Ward becomes the latest Pompey player to be tenuously linked, bigged up and swiftly dismissed on WACCOE. 

 

Friday 11th May

Following a fortnight of feverish online speculation, the club finally confirm details of the pre-season tour in Cornwall. It appears that Neil Warnock is very comfortable with the schedule having chosen an identical itinerary in the build-up to QPR’s title winning season… whether Tavistock’s officials will feel as comfortable attempting to accommodate an influx of Leeds supporters in a stadium that holds 2000 is another matter entirely.

Mercifully, the second fixture, seemingly hosted on a 5000 capacity mound in Bodmin looks to be far less of a potential logistical nightmare. Ground capacity issues are unlikely to be an issue at Plainmoor either, where the team complete their mini-tour with a match against Torquay; however, supporters are left pondering what degree of meticulous planning was employed to posit thousands of pissed up Leeds fans in a popular south coast holiday resort, on a Friday night, in high season. 

As always, the official site is right on the ball, providing detailed dossiers on our opponents and the venues. It is revealed that Torquay narrowly missed out on the play-offs LAST season having finished 7th (they were in fact beaten finalists). This season’s campaign doesn’t even merit a mention.

As part of their on-going drive to increase commercial revenues, the club publicise the many ways in which businesses can advertise their brands at Elland Road. The opening gambit of the promotional statement reads:

Leeds United fans come from all walks of life. Business leaders, chief executives, directors, office workers, factory workers, OAPs, juniors and families. The diverse nature of our fanbase provides great advertising opportunities for all brands and businesses.

Essentially the club provides a list of supporter groups, carefully ordered into a hierarchy of importance and desirability – needless to say, the unemployed, single mums and the Chinese don’t even merit a mention.

 

Saturday 12th May

On a quiet day, the YEP offer the most noteworthy contribution of the day, by posting a link to a Tom Lees interview where he discusses his ‘away day’ experiences and it can be found here.

In an electrifying exchange, our chirpy centre back recalls no end of crazy anecdotes in his typical excitable, animated and humorous manner. For those less able to discern Tom’s subtle range of facial expressions, the guide provided above should help enhance your enjoyment of the video. 

 

Sunday 13th May

Absolutely nothing of note happened at Elland Road today.

However, it would be remiss of me not to acknowledge the end of the Premier League season…especially when it gives me another chance to recycle this picture. 

 

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